My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
