Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
