I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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