Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
