I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
