Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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