Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
