At least make sure they are 18
Why
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
