The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
