Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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