Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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