I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
