One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
