Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
