mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
high people should be assigned attendants
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
