Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
