somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
