I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
