This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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