Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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