He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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