Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
