Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We got so high we made milksteak
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
