An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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