how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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