his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
