eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
