What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
