if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
