I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
