He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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