Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
