i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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