they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
