i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
