saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
