im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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