Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
