Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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