according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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