Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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