Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize