plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize