we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
