i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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