sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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