Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
