May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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