I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
