My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He did a backflip because drugs
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