would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
