So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
