So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
