I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
