Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
