i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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