If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Damn victory sex feels great
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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