i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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