My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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