I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
