Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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