you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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