hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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